just a little more love.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Fri was a laughing day; spent most part of the day laughing my head off (:

Early in the morning, I felt something sharp poke me on my right thigh. Dismissing as one of the stuff on my handphone strap, I shrugged it off. Only later did I realize, it was my nametag. SO STUPID RIGHT?!

Got back emath mrt on fri and oh my goodness I felt so angry and disappointed and sickened with myself. I only managed a 26 over 30 when I expected full marks. I made two careless mistakes and poof! went my perfect score :/

Chemistry was so funny; I kept laughing throughout the entire lesson. Sarah got punished by nair and the situation was so hilarious. You should have seen the class trying to control their laughter, and the look on nair’s face was priceless (:

Anyway, I was very SUAY during eng lesson. Being the only person to write my persuasive essays on blogging and youths, I was asked to present twice. But it all turned out quite well because I actually got praised for my blogging essay (: want to type it here, however, i shall refrain from it because i think it is against the law to offer an opinion on something remotely close to politics on the internet without official permission (:

After assembly had history retest right there and then in the hall. It was the exact same thing as the previous test I failed, which is weird but not unexpected (in fact I suspected it was a long time coming, and therefore spent time studying the relevant parts).

Rc was quite alright; we had 13 sec 1s joining us this year, making me a ma’am. Im a MA’AM leh!!! Hahaha. Then it was said that I had a successor in the bunch of sec 1s by the name of Elizabeth (dont think she knows my blog exists). Elizabeth is weird and cutish, and she IS NOT my successor. Im not as enthu as her for goodness sake.

Laughed a lot during rc too, esp during the choosing of group names for talentime. You should have heard our group names, stuff like random cwo, rcwo (red cross warrant officer) and abc123. xinfeng and I were crapping around, even mistakenly leading the sec 1s into believing that we were sisters (:

Spent the whole entire afternoon yesterday getting new files and filing in all the random worksheets and notes that I could find related to bio, chemistry, ss and eng. So tiring :/

Slept for 12 hours straight, from 9 to 9 (:

On Friday sarah and I were reminiscing about sec one life. It seemed like just one week ago when mr low told us that we were supposed to write cellulose cell wall in sec 3 if we take pure bio, and here we are, already in sec 3. it seemed not very long ago that we were so carefree and new to st.margs. without us realizing it, sec one has already became one of our most cherished memories (:

Sigh. I don’t know why its like this; probably never will. People are cutting themselves left, right and centre, people are overdosing on purpose. I turn a blind eye; pretend not to see, stuff each and every one down the back of my mind. Is life really that harsh, that difficult? Sometimes the tragedy and reality of life hits you hard, you ask questions, but the world remains infuriatingly silent. You gave up trusting anyone, why bother, you asked. Maybe that’s why you try to drown yourself, you yearn for that sea of red, that river of pain, to offer solace. You say no one has gone through your experience, no one understands, no one really knows how its feels like. You don’t grasp the fraility of life, don’t want to look further than your own; cant see the bigger picture. If you look deeper, you don’t see your problem or your tragedy, you see values arising from them, you see the meaning, you see your own ideals cached in them, you see the base for your future, you see yourself, serene and strong with quiet faith, triumphing over it. you go through one of the toughest times but also receive one of the sweetest victory. and i don't mean you as in generally you. i mean you, as in... her. you.

I chose ballet; gave up gym. Too drained to type more. Bye.

fantasised at
3:26 PM

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I AM SO STRESSED.

And I actually failed history class test today mr lee asked all 18 of us who failed to do re-test tom after assembly. i wanted to tell him HELLO DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THERE IS FOR HISTORY then i realised oh girl you brought this upon yourself.

Anyway, there was hcl ct today and I actually fell asleep twice while doing part two. It was an okay test I guess, I dont study well when they squeeze two tests into one day, its either I fail one or fail both. In my case it’s the latter, which is really very sad indeed.

Oh yes I realized how nair is such a bitch today when 3e4 did their crystallization experiment and ended up with beautiful crystals while we dint even do it. All she says in her lessons are things like ‘stop laughing’.

Talked to shaun today (:

Hah. The unknown neighbour is playing his or her music again. Somehow it always happens when im so tired and down and heaving with the pain and stress of it all. Thank you neighbour.

fantasised at
9:52 PM

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

EXCITING day today to make up for the normal, death-like day yesterday (: deliberately woke up late, left house late, and boarded bus late in the morning to see how late I could be (: ms shen and ms m tan were on the 165 I was in.

Lessons were so unexpected. During hcl, wangli fucking CANCELLED the sec 1A test part of tmr’s hcl test. And you know what? I studied for it but not the actual sec 3 topics that were coming out tmr. WELL DONE RIGHT?

Chemistry in chem lab, with nair prohibiting us to laugh or talk again. Experiments were fun, but with nair around, the novelty just isn’t there. That Elizabeth lim woman had better hurry up and come chase nair away :D

Anyway, after school sarah, xinmin, yuxin, Rebecca and I trooped down to serene centre for Macs. Later, joscelyn, da vinci, june and chewlin joined us for a very hearty meal together. Sarah and xinmin left early and went for band audition, in which they were shortlisted for drums. Claps.

And therefore missed the MOST EXCITING part of the day. In came our sec 3 camp trainers, sotong and muhammad hand in hand together with each other. Calvin came over to me and I found out that they just finished camp (he had hoarse voice).

All those memories came rushing back. Life became bleaker and brighter at the same moment. Missing and hating.

As much as I treasure outings like these with my beloved friends, im totally broke after spending on food (I ate a lot at macs). Let’s see, 2.50 bucks on ice cream yesterday, and 6 bucks at macs today. I really need to manage my finances well. Esp since im supposed to pay half of my ballet fees (that is, if I decided to quit gym).

So, after macs we went back to school for photo taking at 3.35. On the way back we realized that the gate was locked. Being typical naughties, we tried a bit of fun and played with the gates. Security guard came and told us that there were cameras all around and they were monitoring us. HELLO, WE WERENT DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL. And she went on and on being pissed off with us. Most likely, she was trying to make herself look good in front of the cameras.

Anyway, I vaguely remember some school rule that said we couldn’t have more than 3 tests a week, so what am I doing with 4 tests this week? Mrt on Monday, eng ct on tues, history and hcl test tomorrow. What happened to that rule eh?

Toodles, off to complete revision for hist and hcl test. Rewriting tov sucks; my brain cells are all dead.

Daddy came home today!!!! And yahui gave me m and m as a form of apologisation (: thankyouuu!!!!!!

fantasised at
10:39 PM

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Another normal day in school today. Teachers stuffing down cts down our throats, everyone falling asleep when nair started her plotless angst during chemistry (upon FINALLY reaching the HEART OF CHEMISTRY after 2 WHOLE WEEKS of doing NOTHING), me trying not to laugh. What's new.

Actually, I’ve a feeling nair’s blacklisting me. Today she said this to me in class. ‘Hey you girl, I don’t want you to laugh unnecessarily!’ O_o. and she forbade us to laugh, smile, look sideways, or talk in her lesson. Wth. Then sarah and I started crapping about nair, after which nair called me and asked me what I was talking about. So I said (lying through my teeth) that we were discussing about steam and vapour. Even then, she managed to find fault with me and banished me to some deserted corner of the class with my table and chair.

Lsb came back after 2 days of absence. Sadly, my happiness was short-lived because he told us that the chong guy would be teaching us PERMANANTLY. I’d rather have lsb than mr chong (heard that chong doesn’t teach well). At this rate, lessons are going to be so much more boring and dead.

Anyway, history. All I remember is how pissed off Germany was with the Treaty of Versailles, which means that im so so so unprepared for this thurs’ test.

Which reminds me. Had eng compre ct today, and it was GOOD. Almost screamed with sheer joy when saw that summary was not included (: I cant wait. 3 consecutive tests with POSITIVE written on them (:

Lit was pure and utter LOVE. But sadly my mind wandered off halfway through the lesson and I started a long and highly lengthy conversation with Gloria tan about ballet (:

Went to island creamery with sarah and chewlin after eng ct, caught up like old times. How I miss 2e5. A lot of things can change in 4 weeks. Anyway, sarah and chewlin had mud pie while I enjoyed nuttella ice cream (instead of having cookies and cream again and again like a boring old person, I decided to try a new flavour.) nuttella is NICE (:

Oh yes, it turned out that yahui accidentally called me because well, she intended to call her friend but ended up calling the wrong number because my name is directly before her friend’s. And she kept apologizing for disturbing me until I began feeling so bad. Haha. She’s nice anyway.

Hmm. Im starting to lag behind in my homework now, this being the season of deadlines and cts and projects :/ SHUCKS.

fantasised at
10:36 PM

Monday, January 22, 2007

My phone was vibrating at 2.17am, but I left it alone. (Yes, I am contactable 24 hours. Literally.)
My very first thought was, 'if its xiyun then its time for her to get some sleep.'
Anyway it turned out to be YAHUI (???), which is kinda suprising and weird because we don’t know each other that well. So as I said, I went drifting back to dreamland, only to be woken up at 4.11am because daddy was going to kl (for asean football cships, what else). And I wasnt able to sleep after that :/ oh wells, I’ve got 4 hours of sleep, which is kind of letdown cos I was planning to sleep early but ended up rushing out rc debrief instead. So…ya.

Mondays and Tuesdays aren’t particularly nice days, we have the most boring lessons and the latest dismissal time of the week. I wasted my time writing out a one page essay for question 10 of newsweek, when ms chang didn’t even go through a single thing. Hmmph.

Mrt today was GOOD :D second test of the year (the first being eng compre), and im confident about securing full marks. Don’t know why, but algrebra seemed to be so familiar and it all…flowed out naturally, so I was actually surprised when I could do the simultaneous thing. Finished in 20 minutes and started reading my book, think the cc guy saw but couldn’t be bothered.

Anyway, davinci said I was very calm during mrt. CALM?! CALM?! Hahaha, it told you, I don’t know why I could do everything.

Today marks a milestone in history!! I actually read a CHINESE book (ok lah it was a qiong yao romance novel) right through from start to end. Claps. But at the end of it all, I didn’t like the storyline. It was just IMMORAL, UNJUSTIFIED and so UNROMANTIC. I mean, stealing another woman’s husband? That’s so…unexplainable. All in all, I confess im still a die-hard romantic with a penchant for those happy-ever-after novels (:

hmm anyway i've cleared almost all my homework (except for emath and the projects), and revised quite abit. Pure Hardworking; cant help it :D

Very soon I’d be making a decision again. Why does it always fall on my shoulders? After all, they are supposed to be my PARENTS, and parents are the ones making decisions and all. Maybe its because I know and they know that their decisions aren’t always suited to me. Oh well, I guess its just me alone with my thoughts again.

This time it isn’t just some trivial thing; it’s a great big matter (by my standards). Its about gym. There can be only one thing I can focus on at this point of time, and the question is, is it gym or ballet? Yes, my parents have agreed to finally let me attend ballet classes. At this moment theres still a lot to consider (the quality of vms, the cost and the time slot), but choosing between dance and gym is just unexplainable.

I remain insistent that you cant compare gym and ballet; they’re completely different things. Gym has been a part of me, still is, and will always be. ballet was long awaited, but quitting gym for it has never crossed my mind.

I admit, life will be less hectic if I go for ballet. It will only be once a week, 2 hr lesson. Plus, vms is nearer to my house. But ballet can't replace gym; never will be.

Gymnastics... it's not been an easy journey, all the nights before gym gathering courage to face everything. Seeing the arguments, seeing so many things that separated the team. At times i thought gym was the worst ever. But in the end if you look deeper, you don't see gymnasts, you see people. People who inspire; people who don’t give up; people who work for their results.

It's something I can't explain... there's nothing i can say except that it's my life and all - it's just - there's nothing else i can do. i don't give up because, well, i can't.

Still have not made my decision. :/
WAIT, THERE’S LIT TOMORROW!! OH LOVE!!

fantasised at
8:41 PM

Friday, January 19, 2007

im at a point which i shall term insanely tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

This seems an appropriate juncture to insert a plea of desperation to my friend who stays up late with me on nights like these.
Dear God, common sense tells me im doomed. In all honesty i dont know how im going to finish my work and pass my tests. Actually i have no idea how im going to have enough time to just finish all the things i have to do, let alone put aside time for revising.

i dont like times like now because everyone gets stressed and everyone gets a little crankier. Mugging season has officially started again, less than a month after school started, more intensely than ever.

Had rc today, practiced footdrill and prepared for upcoming talentime, plus played dog and bone the red cross way. Im afraid I wasnt very enthu or positive about everything, stress and pressure combined made me listless. Lynette ma’am actually held up my leg 45 degrees to correct my footdrill, which was kind of maluating because I wasnt wearing shorts.

Every year the same feeling hits me whenever cca fair comes round; this year its the same. It seems that im never content with life, even though life has offered me so much and more.

Sarah isnt very optimistic about her chances of getting into modern dance, im not very optimistic about my year in red cross. Melancholy hits from all angles. i just want them to know that i love them but why do they have to make it so hard.

Assembly today was alright, but people sitting around me were just so noisy and over enthusiastic; it was hard to really enjoy the music and to clear my head.

i dunno what to do now. Dont feel like talking to anyone about this, which is why im here. Too tiring and elicits too many emotions.

Okay soon things will be shifting again, we'll be reaching out again, moving out, and things will change, and we will carry on, and everything will be... all right.

fantasised at
9:52 PM

Thursday, January 18, 2007

im hating sec 3 life. it sucks.

its the whole pile of work they throw at you; its the intensity of the lessons; its the difficult CONTENT.

half the things for bio are alien stuff, things like rough endoplasmic reticulum and nuclear envelope. lessons are fast and furious, and they drag on to like 3 plus almost everyday.

theres so much work due tom and im still left with EMATH PAPER 2 and EMATH txtbk, after rushing and pressurizing myself to sit still, stay there and complete my chem, amath and bio.

today has been a long day, lessons were on until 3.20, followed by tuition from 5 to 7. i want to sleep madly, but do i look as if i can??? first common test = next week.

anyway, just a quick update, i need to get back to my books.
sarah went for modern dance audition today, with elizabeth (yes, elizabeth susan j) and aretha. suprise suprise suprise. and mr soh is so !!!, he created the friendster john napier account (?!?!) and i've realised, i work really well with melanie during bio prac (:

cca fair; was total and utter embarrassment playing the part of a pregnant hysterical woman. i've got like over 200vpairs of eyes staring at me as i screamed and ran about like a madwoman. dont mention the cushion, its been bad enough. fatwoman was there too, she keeps ignoring me and shooting me evil glances, what exactly DID i do wrong?

modern dance was the only performance i got t watch, regretfully so. and judi recut her hair, and now its no longer the hideous hairdresser woman style (:

thankyou unknown people for playing the music, i really need it now. thank you my dear sarah for dedicating a song on 98.7 for tr, me etc (:

im so glad its friday tom, i really need a weekend. cheerioz peoples, the books beckons ):

fantasised at
11:07 PM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

suprisingly, i managed to revise bio. well, i guess i always have time to do stuff that i actually LIKE and ENJOY. cells arent that daunting now, im hoping for an A1 in my first bio test, so dont fail me (:

ive also cleared bio workbook and read my to kill a mockingbird chapter 1 (: pleased with myself, but i STILL HAVE alot more work left...im trying t clear as much as i can before tmr to make way for time t revise for my tests and so that i can leave tmr wholly for cca fair (:

my much anticipated lit lesson wasnt what i had expected cos there were like 47 people taking elect lit cramped into one pathetic class. but i love ms shen (: she's nice (:

ohoh the HAIRDRESSER arrived and our dear judi went for a fringe cut. its straight, plain and sharpish. eww. bad bad hairdresser ):

downside of today was only the lecturing recieved from lsb during pure hist. 95 percent of the class dint read the text beforehand, so he got really mad with us and walked out of class. depressing start.

but still, before he got angry, he was talking abt CAREBEARS in class and it was so comical(: everyone was in hysterics (:

oh yes i got v pissed with SOMEONE today. and also with a SENIOR. i dunno her name, dunno her class, but SHE is a real PIG.

anw, i used t crap alot during lessons, but this year i've been very quiet and maybe even studious. i dont know, i really feel the motivation to do well. maybe separation with people like tr has made me stronger or smth; i really dont know, or maybe the teachers are too serious or fierce like the nair person. all i know is, im starting to be DIFFERENT. and feel different.

IM ADDICTED TO YAKULT!!!!!!!!!!!!

fantasised at
10:43 PM

Monday, January 15, 2007

lessons have been well, alright. the homework pile is mounting though, i have at least 2 projects (bio and cme) on my hands now, and a ton of other UNCOMPLETED UNDONE UNTOUCHED homework. i just cleared pure hist though, lsb is kinda scary for me t mess around with.

3RD week of sch, and im in class doing an ENG TEST. effort was there for compre, but summary was total slack; im failing it, seriously. so we were doing our test when suddenly in flew A GIGANTIC CROW, flapping its wings and terrifying the entire class. IS IT A SIGN OF BAD OMENS??

im really starting to enjoy pure hist with lsb now, at least he's better than what sarah tells me of her pure geog darling (: today in class we talked abt the castration of enuches so that they are unable t have affairs with the concubines (: INTERESTING*

okay, i wasted my time watching the last episode of fan lihua and so you think you can dance 2 just now. IM SO DISAPPOINTED IN FAN LIHUA. there were no POIGNANT scenes, no SOLID ending. triumph is still the best :D

4 days, 3 nights.

first day, we were alr well behind time when we left sch, wasnt a very good start. no one was excited abt the camp anw, it just sucks t have camp when we've just settled into new year, new class, new environment.

im lazy t list what happened, heres the itinery. welcoming briefing, moving in (students got the huts, we leaders slept in dorm 6), ice breaking and objective setting, lunch, nature hunt, rock climbing, kayaking (cold wind froze me), dinner, night walk (mud mud and more mud, plus i DONT dare hold mr soh's hand), shower, supper and then debrief.

then blahblahblah, shall blog abt it another time.

i dint understand why. do you know i dint enjoy every minute of you as my trainer? i felt sad when i left. as i should. but your tone of voice, your stare, were bent, directed at me. you apologized to the group in the end, but an apology is never enough to compensate the hurt and anger that i felt. thanks alot, dont trust exist does it? i dont appreciate what you did,if you expected me t, you're wrong. we're not that pathetic you know. thanlks. the rain lashed, i screamed. you made it a whole lot worse, im not going t pretend i dont know, its Obvious. is it rude or helpful t tell others off? things that you think you're doing for good turns out t be a curse instead. i trust(ed?) you?

the window awaits me, glass thrown wide open :/ melancholy hits me on a beautiful monday :/ bye camp, you've been a bitch, hello school, be nicer, will you?

I MISS 2E5 2OO6!!! life isnt the same without tr, chewlin, cz, archana etc. LETS TRY T MEET UP EVERY RECESS! i know it sounds lame, but its the only time we share together (except for those in pure hist and elect lit with me).

life is going the fast way, im in a dirt track, racing for time, heading towards a bend. sometimes we need to lose smth or some people to know the friality of life, and its a sad realisation. anw, cca fair is on wed, im awaiting it yet im dreading it.

i know, im messed up. so let me solve this out on my own, leave me alone.

all i can say is, im eagerly awaiting my lit lesson tmr (:

fantasised at
10:36 PM

Sunday, January 07, 2007

THIS SUCKS. NHT IS NOT GOING WELL AT ALL. WHAT ARE FUCKING CIVIC INSTITUTIONS?
wtv, had tuitn yestd at 9AM. dont think i will be getting any decent amt of sleep before camp, screw stmargs and the amt of work. after tuition, rushed off for dots leaders thing, did cheers and learnt new cheorographed mass dance. lucia was my partner (: then rushed off for rc again, chemical warfare matters. im a PREGNANT HYSTERICAL WOMAN on actual day, shit ass, my skin must be damn fucking thick t accept this assholic thing, shucks. hidayah wanted t treat us t bubble tea at coro, but i missed it. haha.
after rc, went CAMWHORING in the dance studio at crestar, that is before the lesson. wtv, the tchr like not happy or smth, she started taking revenge at us. damn, my back HURTS:/
[edit]civic institutions are related to the govt of a town or city. (like this helps huh)
haha, this is the loooonnggg boring assembly thing on fri:
10 things that are impt t me in life:
1) humour
2) friendship
3) school
4) gym
5) joy
6) peace
7) love
8) family
note: ive only got eight. never did like the no. 10, so POOF OFF. haha.
GOODBYE PEOPLE, IM OFF T DO MY HOMEWORK (FIRST WK BACK IN SCH AND IM ALR BEHIND ON HOMEWORK, TALK ABT SUCKY DAYS MAN).

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION #1: I WANT AN A1 IN BIO BIO BIO, SO DONT PLAY CHEAT AND STEAL MY A1 FROM ME, COS I SPECIALISE IN BIO <33

fantasised at
3:05 PM

Friday, January 05, 2007

thanks t leng suyee, i now know ive got ardent fans (:

first day back in school was, welcome foreigner, WHERE IS THE FAMILARITY??

hahaha, 3e3 is turning out t be okay, even though its so v quiet :D teachers are all so...weird.i dont know them and they dont know me (: but this MRS NAIR (wtv the spelling is) is one fucked up teacher.we cant talk, we cant laugh, we cant even look at our friends. then tell me, WHAT can we actually do? im not gonna go thru every retard thing she did, but whee, sarah, xinmin and me were passing notes during her lesson (:

okay, sarah is my partner, sitting at last row together (: and eeks, she finds fatwoman NICE. wtv, atleast im rid of madwoman, thank goodness. no one in pure hist, gawd welcome loner.

and i just learnt that i wont be learning repro for bio until NEXT YEAR. go kick the shit man. and wangli is now my teacher, attemting t murder us all before we even take our Olevel chinese paper this year (right, thanks for the reminder, thanks for the stress).

damn, well ive got so much stuff t do, i havent done my homework (f-u-c-k), i havent done my nht scrapbook, i have t send the poster t linette, i have t pack for camp (this sucks, i hate packing), yadayadayada.i get malu-ed too (more coming up at cca fair, where theres abundance of acting), also got eyecandies (alot pls, lifeis gonna get complicated).

everything is getting worse, and hello its just third day of fucking SCHOOL.

oh, before i forget, congrats t chewlin's sis for making it t rgs (:

bye bitches and bimbos. nht, here i come you asshole

fantasised at
8:26 PM